Day 1

I was hoping for a more joyous day one but unfortunately my mind is playing some tricks on me.

As some of you may know from my other blog: A Work In Progress, I have been working on getting in shape for the past 4months with a personal trainer.

I have had my successes and challenges with this. My successes are found in the numbers (as Wally told me over and over today) more than in my subjective mind.

As of a month ago I'd lost 21 pounds of fat and gained 8 pounds of muscle and lost 22 inches I believe.

For my first 2 1/2 months I had really put my heart and soul into everything. Initially I wasn't all that excited over my progress after the 3 months until I learned how great it is to build muscle, then I was ok with it.

After spending the last couple of week off kilter being on vacation and then a cottage trip with work I feel all out of whack. Even though I did better than I would've before I started training when away I still didn't do as great as I wanted to and have felt very discouraged with myself.

I have indulged in more 'off limits' food in the past two weeks than I have int eh past 4 months combined.

Yesterday alone Wally (my husband) and I gorged on sugar as it was my last day before my experiment and I felt an obligation to it. I have learned that it was definitely not worth it. Now I am struggling with sadness and depression (which , did you know, can be caused but consuming great amounts of sugar - it's called the 'sugar blues').

I did learn a very good thing though while partaking in these food items ... I don't care much for them anymore. At least not like I used to.

I have noticed how much I eat them more out of an obligation to 'enjoy' before my next 'fresh start' in hopes that by eating a lot of it I will be 'held over' so to speak not wanting to eat it.

It never seems to work out though and I always find myself regretting it in the long haul.

Here's a list of food that I have had in the past couple of weeks for the first time in months, that I have learned I can definitely live the rest of my life without (yay!):

* deep fried fish

* bacon (gasp! I used to have a serious love affair with bacon!!)

* pop (or soda for my American friends)

* salt water taffy

Here are a list of foods that I can now go long periods of time without consuming:

* pizza

* donuts

* french fries (that's big as I used to have a fries and gravy addiction)

* baked cookies (my former favourite binge item)

Here's a list of foods I fear I can't get through more than a day or two of:

* ice cream (from an ice cream place)

* chocolate


I am trying to stay positive and I am hoping that as I get the processed sugar out of my system over the next couple of days, I will begin to see and more importantly feel the results of living a healthy lifestyle free of binging and full of vitality.

By the way I have taken my 'before' pictures(which I have to say must be the most humiliating event that can take place for someone at the beginning of such an experiment). I am under no illusions that I will walk out of this a bikini clad model nor do I hope to be (of course if this happened because of it I'm certainly not going to be standing in the refund line!).

More important to me than anything else is escaping the emotional need I have for food. The more time I spend feeding my body with what it's supposed to have the more I find I crave the stuff it's not supposed less. And THAT is the main reason why am an here.

I beg for your accountability, questions, reactions, encouragement during this time. I need to know I'm not alone!

Thanks!