It's in me

I don't want to do this.

Admit that I'm struggling big time. Especially since I struggle a lot.

I have admitted my recent serious struggles with food. Really it's just sugar.

I seem to be seeing the end in sight and in light of this I've been eating everything sugary I can get my mitts on, somehow knowing that an end HAS to come.

It's weird that even though I know what I should do I don't do it. Paul (in the Bible) had that issue with the crap in his life he struggled with. I guess we're a lot alike.

I had coffee with someone today that I used to teach piano to. She's currently in school for health and fitness (something or other). She will come out as a personal trainer and other stuff.

She's never ever struggled with her weight, she knows nothing of that side of things. But she's still interested in nutrition and such.

I found it very interesting to talk with her about the topics of health and fitness. I was also intrigued by the fact she's been in school for 6 months and had yet to really know what 'Clean Eating' is.

I realized how different each of our perspectives was on the same topic, how varied our experiences and motives were. She can't understand why her mom, who wants to lose a few pounds, asks her how to lose the flab, yet when she tells her to cut cream out of her 4 teas a day, her mama says 'That's the one thing I really enjoy'.

I understand where her mom is coming from but know too that it takes a moment of realization of the difference between wanting to look good in a dress and caring about what you are actually putting in your body.

Both can help you look good in a dress but one is long term and the other, 90% of the time carries you to the goal and takes off when the party's over.

I know I've said this before (maybe in my other blog) but I now that I have a special connection with people who want to lose weight, people that have struggled their whole lives. I know because I am.

I have every intention of gaining the lifestyle I want. Of acquiring the skills I need to succeed and be a great example. I have it in me and I am fighting to live that way.

Currently I have fallen down and I am trying real hard to clean the dirt out of my wounds and get back up. I am so thankful for what I've learned, because of it I have hope.

It's kind of weird writing knowing no one is reading. I feel the freedom of not caring if I sound like a broken record. I think I'll keep writing here in secret for a while. I like it :)